I just couldnt handle the truth.

Last night, i heard some answers
i've always been wondering.
My heart stopped for few secs, i couldnt breathe,
and those tears running endlessly.
My body became weak, i started shaking.
The truth have finally been revealed.

Although its not what i want to hear,
something i never expect to hear,
i've always have a strong feeling that it happened
but i didnt expect it really did.
Not only did it hurt me, it disgusted me.
To those who dont know, dont ask.
I dont wanna reveal to everyone.

Running through those pages i've written in my diary.

Everything came back in my head.
Words that was said, things that was done.
Finally i know why and how those pictures even existed.
Even till today, i have ppl asking me
'Why isnt it deleted?'
Obviously, for memories purpose.

After i started blogging, i decided i will only write extremely
painful memories in my diary.
Today 2 blank pages were filled.
Not only with ink, but also with my tears.

1 day without sleep, 1 night crying endlessly.
No food or drink down my throat.
Justin bieber songs all night.
Youtube watching all justin bieber and few
singers music videos.
7am, went jogging even when my body was weak.
9am finally i went to bed.
Woke up at 1pm, had a coffee and nothing else.

Cried endlessly.
How gay of me.
Over and over again, i cried.
TRUE friends didnt ask what happened, instead
they calm me down 1st before asking.
But some insisted to keep asking what happened
and dont bother about my feelings.

A friend, even wanted to skip tuition just to
accompany me. And he said he'll do anything
for me to be happy.
I am effing lucky to have you guys :)

So this is me without sleep and endless crying.
Mad pale, huge eye bag, red-ish eyes.

A few friends said why do i keep getting bullshits.
Why do god insists on playing with the innocent ?
Especially me when i have done no wrong.

Well, maybe there are some things that i've
done but i just dont know. Maybe in my previous life?
No one knows. So i guess this is my karma for
i dont know what i've done.

'WTF, this is bullshit!'
'Why all these crap keep happening to you'
'Why one thing after another'
'Imma kill that hoe for you!'
'wtf, i seriously never expect him to be like that'

All those was the response i got.

And what have i decided to do with the slut?
NOTHING.
Yes nothing. Why? Because i believe
karma is at my side as well.
Why get my hands dirty when karma can do it for me?
So there is no need for you guys to dirty
your hands as well.
Watch out, she's damn filthy. ugh.

But then again , this is freaking long history.
There is no connection to what we have now.
I was just mad because i've been living under a lie.
I was disgusted because i never thought he WAS
that kind of guy.
I was disappointed because he said he was SERIOUS about us.
I was hurt because he cheated on me.

But all those i used the word WAS.
Means its over.
I just have to learn to live with a bigger pain.
Its funny because everyone understood why he
couldnt tell me earlier.
The fear of me stepping out of his life.
So no one blamed him for keeping this lie.

'You are tougher than that' said Irving.
Yea, you are right.
Since when have i became so soft over small
matters like these.
Oh wait, ever since i became in LOVE.

But i've decided one thing.
If karma doesnt do anything then
imma buy a Lamborghini and ram her over with it.
I can feel the pleasure already. ;3

After i press publish post, i will stop crying.
And if possible i wanna let it go out of my heart.
I just had to post it to get it out of my system.

3.37am nights.