i love them :]

Today is a sunday.
But not a normal sunday outing with bii.
Instead i met up with his mother and his brother :]
I was nervous the night before i dont know why.

As ofcourse i was late because of the usual
problems.

Met up in TimeSquare, went to PWTC to
see a feng shui master or some ppl prefer
calling it fortune teller.

The thing he said that made me laugh the most
was about my bii being a 'dinosaur'.
Meaning he is those super super
faithful boyfriend, and gooooood type of boyfriend.
(Like how a girl dreams of a perfect bf)
He said if i let someone else take him away its my lost.

But me keeping bii is my profit,
Bii keeping me is his lost xD
And there was few things about us that was
similar. lols.

And what surprised me was his mother
bought a necklace at the cost of RM400 *i think* for me.
I felt sooo.. aiyor~
Bii said he was surprised as well.
Pink stone, my fave colour :]

For lunch we walked over to the hotel building.
Supposed to go for a japanese buffet but there
was only 30mins left.
So we went for a Hi-Tea.

Bii is super super super childish today! =_=v
He never never never stop smiling at all.
And he ate so much today.
Its my birthday but it felt like it was his. haha.

From there, we went to KLCC.
Walked around for awhile until bii decided to
go to the park. Just the two of us.

*The shoulder i know i can lean on permanantly*

*Big long fingers and small chubby fingers.
The hand i will hold for eternity*

*I am just being random xD*

After awhile, his father came.
And we went to Nippon Teh *i think*
for dinner.
Sashimi. To be honest, it was my 1st time eating it.
I am not a big fan of raw stuffs >_<.
But it was alright :]

*Bii always happens to take bad pictures
of me so i had to cover it up.
His mummy, brother and daddy :]*

His mother sent me home after dinner.
Had a few laugh in the car :]

I really really love his mother :]
Not because she bought a necklace for me but
because she is super friendly.
Someone whom you can have a conversation with
anytime. Plus she have a good sense of humor.
She even said 'then how' like how bii and i
always say on the phone hahahaha.

But i just know my boyfriend is super childish today.
But its great to see him smiling :]
but he never stopped smiling at all.

Everything happened today and it was
a really awesome day was because of HIM :]

Thank you to XiaoSer bii, bii's mummy,
Kozue Ng and bii's daddy.
You guys made my day.

i am worried, i really am.
lets just hope it nothing at all.
not only am i worried, i am scared.
sighs, what can i do if it really happens?
Bii, i love you. Sorry you have to worry too.

they call me ms.bootylicious

*Cute arent they? xD*

Every night around 2 or 3am.
Stupid bii would call me.
And i would be so freaking blur >_<
I cant find that energy to say a word but instead
i am like *groans*
And he would say
'Yor my bii so so so blur* >_<

He is on the phone with me right now.
But he is currently resting
and i am just leaving my phone on loud speaker.
Will wake him up in 15mins although
its 1.09am right now.

1.25am, i woke him up but he doesnt wants
to wake up so might as well let him sleep.
*Your such a pig bii >_<*

Anyways, today i hear this topic on the radio.
Its about couple seeing each other everyday.
Will it last or say goodbye?

What do you guys think? >_<
Those ppl who called in and gave their opinions
said it can get boring faster and stuffs.
Some said it will last.

My opinion?
It will last if both parties give surprises to
each other some of the days.
Or sometimes as you hang out together
unexpected things might happen and it can just
bring you guys closer unexpectedly as well.

Some of my friends who can see their other
half everyday says they argue all the time.
And some wishes they were like my bf and i,
instead of meeting everyday we only get to
meet once a week.
They say the trust between my bf and i is
a trust that no ppl can form.

Because the 1st few mths we were having
some difficulties but because of TRUST
we manage to last till where we are now and its
still going strong. Stronger than ever.
So to those who said that we couldnt make it this far,
in your face! :D

And do you guys believe in reincarnation?
Like a new life after death but you forget
all of your past?

I dont know, but to me its just some
wishful thinking made by ppl to feel better
about death.
But they say butterflies are a symbol of
a dead spirit.
Do you guys believe that?

Moments ago, i said something funny to Vinod on MSN.
Its was plain random but i actually really did it.
I wondered why do ppl always call me
'bootylicious' babe.
So i kinda went to my room mirror, sort of just
stand side ways, straight and kind of
curve my back a little.
Looked at my butt. Now i know why they calls me that.
hahaha. I admit i do have quite a sexy ass :P:P

As usual, vinod argued with me about whose ass
is sexier.
Vinod asked if i missed him while he was away.
I replied ' I was blogging about my sexy ass do you think i did?'
Haha xD

To Vinod.
Yes i admit i vain. Super vain indeed.
I am a super camwhore.
And i am now in love with my own super-fabulous-
bootylicious-one-of-a-kind-sexy-ass.
You do not have ass. you are flat.
You know that too so stop arguing with whose got a
sexier ass! :p
Atleast i am not as vain as you showing ur abs to me
on webcam with ur universal finger pointing to me!!
I still have that picture hahaha!!
OWNED! you dork!

Okay i am just gonna stop here.
I am so so so random today >_<.

You smile is what makes me smile.
What would i do without one kiss from you?
I wont leave you, thats for sure.
I love you, everyone knows that.
I am gonna tattoo your name one day.
Birthday coming soon! ;D

Sometimes walking alone feels great.

Today i was sleeping nicely.
Around 6am+ i felt hot.
The aircon wasnt on. I thought eh no electricity?
Then i looked at my brother's bed.
He wasnt there. He off it, went out.

Around 10am+ my mum woke me up.
Never a day of good morning sleep.

Went to TimeSquare.
She dumped me again.
Ikki having his off day and i was there alone.Again.
Bii called. He said i should do a little shopping
like all girls do.

Seriously, he is the only guy who would force
me to take the money he gives me
and forces me to buy stuffs all the time.
But ofcourse most of the time he fails :p

So fine i went for a little shopping.
I used some of your money bii!
happy jor mei? T_T

Bought few stuffs.
Not very happy with it though =_=.

Went home. opened the fridge.
My mum bought a slice of cake for me.
Secret Recipe white chocolate macadamia.
Mad delicious. My fave. =]

*Mad delicious cake.*

*Yum :p*

Bii and me changed our petville clothes :p
CNY! xD
Although its over but its cute :p

*Kisses :]*

Its 12.49am right now.
I know he's gonna call soon.
Nights :]

Making me smile even when i am half
awake in the middle of the night.
Vacation with you, it seems just like a fantasy.
Will it happen in reality?

A love like no other.

*I want you ;3*
I want black hair!

Saturday 20th February 2010.
My mum, brother and i along with my aunt,
her husband and few cousins.
We went to visit an orphanage home.
It was my 1st time going to places like this.

To my surprise, all those kids,
are such obedient children.
They respect you and would call and welcome you.

I handed out sweets to them.
They lined up one by one.
Smiling so happily.

It really hurts me to see how heartless adults
can just throw away these innocent
children made by their own
flesh and blood.
Its hurts me to see that there's so much more
out there in this world they dont get to see.
They dont have anything except unwanted things
from donations.

Super spoiled brats around their age dosent
know how lucky they are and they
still wanna whine about their life.
Those lucky enough to have parents
who takes good care of them but what do they give
back in return?
Rebellions against parents rules.

Sunday 21st February 2010.
Went out with the one who completes
half of me.
He demanded us to wear matching clothes.
I remembered he called late at night on Saturday =_=
I was sleeping so so so peacefully T_T

Brown jackets, black shirts,
black long pants.
Except shoes wasnt matching.
I cant expect him to wear high heels can i? =_=v

We went to Sushi King for lunch.
Mr.Big-Eater always order so much food.
He doesnt like those green pea!
How can he not like them!!
But in the end he enjoyed it x3

While eating i thought up of one question.
I was dying to see how he would response.
The question was
'What if one day i told you i couldnt study with you anymore'
He shocked me =_=
His reaction was so big =_=v he turned to me
and 'wah' with a shocked face expression =_=v

He said he would be angry with me until
he graduates. When he said until he graduates
i was thinking from college.
He said no, until he finish university as well.
Which means 4-5years? =3=

How is it possible to be angry at the one you
love for 4-5years without breaking up?
And without talking? no embracing from each other?
Impossible ! :p

He cant even last one day without hearing my voice.
How can he last 4-5years without it?
Biiiiiii how how how? :p

*I look like i have short hair here >_<*

*peaceeeeeeeee*

These few days bii always say to me
'Almost 6months'
8days to my birthday.
16days to our 6th monthsary.

Its kinda hard to believe.
Almost half year :]
We are from 2 different world.
2 different personalities.
But somehow blended up into one pair.

We do have alot in common.
Thinking, interest, etc.
But i know i still have alot to learn from him. =]

Taiwan, Tattoos, College.
I'm coming soon.
Better be prepare for me ;p
Redang? Maybe i am coming soon ;p

Brand new life awaits me.
But right now its giving me a super hard
test. I know after passing it, everything
will be fantastic.

Bii always ask me to marry him.
I am waiting for the diamond ring
and proposal from him :p
I see you in my future.
With comfortable home, beautiful kids. Our
own blessed family.
A love like no other.

Words that will always remain in ur heart.

My mum and i got bored.
So we were packing up rooms.
Took a bag and threw my stupid dog Kaka in.
Hahaha.

Smile silly :p

I got bored last night so i was Google-ing
random things.
There was questions asked by anonymous.
And its always about not being happy with what
their mother gave them.
Issues about their body parts.
How to better it and stuffs.

Hair, Make up, Nails all these are fine.
Because i do youtube for tutorials on those
except nails.
But boobs size? fairness of skin?
ridiculous.

I know having small boobs makes girls feels less
confidence because guys seems to be
super attracted to girls with bigger bust.
But guess what i read?
'Psychology experts said men who likes big boobs are
more to 'mummy's boy' while other men who likes
smaller boobs have higher sex drive' ;D
If your guy doesnt accept you having small bust,
dump him. He's probably just after you for sex
thinking you are easy to go to bed with.

Skin colour. Is it a big deal being dark, tanned or fair?
Maybe everyone thinks people who are fair
looks much more beautiful. Yes i agree to that.
But there is a beautiful-ness in every skin colour.
Whether you are dark, tanned, fair or whatever.
Love it the way it is. That is what makes you special.

Weight.
Fat is beautiful. I believe in this sentence.
Being thin makes ppl look sick like as if they have
some kind of sickness. Pale and disgusting.
*I am not offending anyone*
I think being FIT looks absolutely PERFECT. =]
Majority of guys out there prefers bubbly girls.

If a guy loves you he will truly love you for
EVERYTHING and not tell you to change a thing
or maybe giving you hints that you should
do something with your beauty outside.

If a guy truly loves you, he will not look at other girls
lustfully when you are with him, making you
feel completely ugly and not good enough for him.

If a guy truly loves you, he will not say 'you have
the worst clothes ever' infact he will say
'you look beautiful' even if you are wearing
your worst outfit ever.

So just be yourself, love yourself for who you are.
You are unique because no one have anything that you have.
I know i am NOT PRETTY at all.
But when i look at myself in the mirror
i tell myself
'You are the beautifulest bitch alive.' ;]
That is how i get my confident to show what i got
even though i know they are not perfect
like every other girls.

Dont let guys control you. but you control them ;]
Because we women are worth that much.

Words that forever will remain in my mum's heart.
Is something that i told her face to face.
She kept apologizing to me over something.
I told her.

'Mummy, This isnt just about you. Its about
you, vincent and i. When there is a problem
its not just yours. Its OURS. Because we
are family. There is no such thing as sorry in
our dictionary. You are all vincent and i got left, and we
are all you got left too. You know that.
We are grown up kids, we seen things much more than
you expected us to see. When there is a problem
we solve it together, not just you alone. We know your pain because
we put our self into your shoes, we felt it.
And we are going to be in your shoes until we get you out of it.
You are not alone. Infact, you never were.

I told her this several weeks ago.
And even till today, she tells her friends exactly
what i said to her.
Her expressions everytime she says it.
Her eyes red, about to cry but holding back those tears.
That smile, proud of whom i have become.

I will never let you down again mum.
You told vincent and i how proud you are
of us. you said you love us more than ever.
And we have become such good children.

We were happy to hear that but we pretended
we didnt heard it at all by
fighting over the fan and saying 'pak you' to each other.

We have became much more closer than we
ever had. No matter how rough a day may be.
At the end of the day we still have each other.
And thats all we need.

Guys will always be guys because
we girls will always be girls.
I am tired of changing for other ppl.
I really cant please so many ppl at one time.
Inside or outside, i am still me.
Please, i beg of you. Give me a fucking break.
I just wanna be me.
I just wanna be love for who i am.
At my best and worst.
Take and love me as i am.

impossible to live without.

Went out with bii bii again today.

I got pissed off in the early morning.
Gosh. I wanna kill that ass so much.
I dont even wanna waste my time
mentioning him.

Bii bought movie tickets.
For Wolfman.
Premiere class seats.
Bii always cross the line!! =_=v

Half the time my head was on bii's chest
and my eyes was either closed or
peeking abit or looking downwards.
I couldnt stand to see bodies tearing apart =_=.
There was few times where i was scared to the point
i literally jumped up.
And bii would 'sayang sayang' me.

Walked around.
Went to starbucks.
Ice blended mocha <3.

Bii asked me to make another heart.
I didnt know what he wanted to do with it.
But i made it anyways.
Took me some time cause i forgotten how to do it.
He was dead tired.

After i was done. He wrote his name on mine.
And i wrote mine on his.
Fat marker pen makes my handwriting shitty >_<.

*Impossible to live without.❤
Him and ice blended mocha :p*

*Front of the heart ❤*

*Back of the heart ❤*

Around 5.30pm i left.
Moments after i left he texted me saying
he misses me. Gosh.
I miss him =(

Went out for my grandpa bday dinner.
*Happy dinner grandpa :3*

Bii texted me asking if he could
call me 24hrs without hanging up.
Silly baby.
Totally impossible sweetheart. :]

Tired. Nights.
1.13am.

I love you baby ❤.

I admit i am a bitch.
I admit i can be quite 'rough' at times.
And i know i got no boobs for a girl.
But it doesnt gives you the right to judge me.
You DOUCHBAG!
You might as well go find urself some balls to suck on when
you are free instead on wasting it insulting me.
Apologize to me and we start arguing the next min.
Might as well not apologize at all.
You-old-immature-no-responsibility-no-brain-jerk.
I hate you. End of story.

Two teddies and my pink underwear.

Today finally got to meet bii.
Somehow i kinda like him better with glasses.
I dont know why but i kinda think
i like guys with glasses.
I find them cuter that way haha.

He said i gained weight!
I admitted i gained weight.
*Because of yesterday feast*
I dont have time to do my daily exercise.
The hardness of my abs is now soft.
So is the muscles on my arms.

But bii gained pimples!! hahaha!
Dai sei! thats what you get for being a big eater :pp
Plus he is super super duper erm, how can i say it.
Wants 'pretty-ness' more than me. =3=

I passed the cookies i made for him.
I wondered if he likes them.

And i just noticed his fingers is so ladylike.
I want it!
Mine is short and chubby hahaha.
Whenever ppl sees my fingers they laugh.
Its cute they say. I hate it.
I want bii's finger!

He passed two small bears to me~❤
His mother bought it.
One was for me, and one for him.
But he passed both to me =_=v
Pictures pictures here.
I made them pose :pp

*Huggies*

*Kissies*

Today i could stay a little longer cause
my family went back to hometown so since
i am finding my own transport home i could go home later :p

He went off with his friend to buy movie
tickets. He sent me off.
So i didnt have to get bored while they
have their conversations.

I went to find Ikki.
He patted me on my head haha.
And as usual we have our
funny-funny-non-stop-laughing-conversations :]
I cant believe how close we are getting after i broke
up with his cousin.
He is really a great friend :]

Met up with bii afterward.
Bought few breads for dinner.
I was forced to eat.
I got slight gastric after eating it cause i
didnt have a proper meal in the afternoon.

Around 7pm+
Took a cab home. Reached home.
Standing at the front gate.
Took my keys out only to find the locket
cannot be opened.
I was like LOLOL are you kidding me? inside my head.
Bii called to check if i was home.
I told him my situation, my only solution was to climb over.
Climbing over is no problem for me.
But the problem was i was wearing a skirt and pink underwear.
What if my neighbor saw?! Omgosh >_<

I looked clearly to see if anyone was there.
No one. I quickly made my move and climb over.
Piece of cake. Called bii to tell him i made it in.
He laughed =3=
Pls pls pls hope no neighbor saw my pink underwear >3<

*You complete me.
This was taken yesterday tho :]*

Meeting up with him again tomorrow :]
And on Sunday too.
Whee~
Bii bii gek sei me.
One day i am gonna vomit blood because of him =3=

thats how i got fat.

Yesterday my family along with few cousins
was supposed to go Pavilion to watch movie.
But because of my brother waking up late,
it was cancelled.
Ishhhh, i woke up early, curled my hair nicely
for no reasons.

Mum went out to meet her friend.
Leaving me, my brother and one of my cousin
at home.
When my brother finally woke up, we went out
for our brunch.
He wanted to go Wangsa Maju mamak i think.
I said McDs.
He said No =3=

But my mum called him to do some stuffs,
and it was located near Ampang Point.
So, McDs!! :D

Ampang Point, a place filled with memories.
At McDs, we saw old school mates.
Nobody recognized me anymore.
Nobody can believe how much i have changed in 2years.

Ampang point will always be Sayfolian's territory.
I remembered few weeks ago i passed by.
I saw an old school mate who used to be my
'godfather' haha.
And no he didnt recognized me.

Anyways.
At McDs i bought that double prosperity burger
for my cousin. hahahah!
He was dying. He usually can eat alot but that
burger killed him. *He asked for a single one but i
bought double :pp*
But after we finished my brother said he
wanted to eat korean food. *He didnt eat McDs*

I was like OMFG now only you mentioned it?!
I realllllly love the korean food in Ampang Point.
Super delicious.

*Super tempting but must resist.*

*Gim Bap! Kimchi! Favorite <3*

*Gim bap and sushi is different, dont mix it up.*

*Dumplings! But i prefer Taiwan dumpling x]*

And yes, i ate Gim Bap and dumpling.
Right after eating Mcds.
And few hrs later went back hometown for dinner.

I lost 1kg. Gained back. T_T
Cny makes me fat!

But i love cny only because of these
red packets :p

Cny.

Happy Belated Cny.
How was it for you guys? :]

Mine was super tiring.
Back and fourth from KL to Bentong, Pahang.
My hometown.
Its like i go there in the late afternoon.
And back around midnight.

SUPER HOT!!
Gosh. And there is no aircon in my grandpa's home.
haha.
Home cooked meal❤❤❤❤❤~
Everytime i reached my hometown,
the 1st thing i do is run to the kitchen,
and disturb my grandma.

She always get really happy when she sees me :]
I remember there was one day,
cny eve, i went back to my hometown at 7am+

My grandma said she wanted me to stay to help
her with some stuffs.
I said okay so my brother went back to KL without me.
In the end she lied =_=.
She just wanted me to be there with her.

Whenever i am there bii would call =]
And i didnt see him for 3weeks i think.
I really missed him.

Holidays are coming to an end.
Well anyways.
Hope you guys enjoyed it :]

Why cant i see the lights.

*You can see my eyes. How much i cried*

Yesterday 11th.
Was my 5th monthsary with bii.
Although i went to look for him in the early morning,
i totally forgotten about it until i left
and saw the date on my phone.

He was in t-shirt and shorts.
With his baka just-woke-up face, rubbing his eyes.
I just realized how super skinny he is.
Gosh i gonna make him + fat!
BII! +fat +fat~~~~

I only had 3hrs of sleep that day.
My mum told me to stay home and rest but i said no.
I followed her out to deal with some stuffs.

Because of lack of sleep, i felt cold on
a freaking hot day.
Bad headache.
Not a drop of water or food down my throat.
And i had flu.
My mum got worried she kept asking me to sleep
inside the car but i couldnt because
i was wearing contact lenses.

But around 5-6pm i forgot, we were on our way home.
I took off my shoes inside the car and completely
just lied down.
My mum treated me like a kid =_=
She was asking if i was hot/cold and this and that.
But i fell asleep. Thank god when i opened my eyes
my contact lenses didnt make my eyes dry >_<.

Today my mum and brother left me at home to sleep.
But i woke up at 9am after they left.
Did house chores until 11am.
And i was soooooo bored at home.
I dont know how the hell i survived
the whole day but i just did.

They came back around 8pm and
we went sg wang for dinner.
My brother needed to collect
his cny shirts from EchoPark.

Some people say my eyes can be super
scary when i dont smile. They say its like
those fierce tigress eyes. Super lcly type. =_=
But when i smile it gives off a super sweet
eyesight giving the image that
i am a super cute innocent girl.
Atleast i know when to use those proper eye contacts xD

But anyways, moments ago bii called.
He said it was a relieve to him that he
could hear me smile again after so many days.
He got so worried about me.
1hrs 30mins on the phone with him.
It was him who made me smile and laugh.

Bii biiiii.
I am so sorry to make you worry about me.
And you know you really didnt have to do
sooo much stuffs for me.
I am sorry i caused such burdens.
But yet you were here with me thru it all.

Oh~ I almost forgot.
I AM NOT LEAVING TO SINGAPORE ANYMORE!!
yay~ I am staying and will be studying :]
Although i wasted 2yrs of my life
but its time to press the 'restart' button.

And this time i am restarting my life with a special

someone who found me and i made him mine :]
Me and bii are going to be studying together~

Its 2.06am right now.
Have to wake up at 5.30 tomorrow.

Wishing everyone early Happy Cny
and Happy Valentines Day :]
Have a great one.

How long more till we see a light?
We have been in this tunnel for far too long.
The darkness just keep on engulfing.
When will the light finally shine?

Cant smile anymore.

*Trying to force a smile*

Its 2.44am and i have to wake up at 6am later.
To go all the way to Rawang to find bii.

I am so sorry i havent been able to update
blog for so many days.
Too much stuffs have been going on lately.
So i guess that past events i will not update it.
Sorry =(

I cried 3times today.
Without me knowing at all.
1 time when i woke up.
2nd time on the phone with Jason jie.
3rd time on the phone with bii.

Jason jie.
Thank you for being there for me.
I really appreciate it.
dont you worry, i will be fine. =]

Xiao Ser bii.
I really sorry i have to trouble you again.
I really didnt want this.
I know it doesnt mean a thing to you but it means
alot for me.
I promise you i will call you if anything happens.
You are always on the lookout point for me.
I feel so completely safe and secure.
I love you.
I really do.

But i can promise you that i wont do anything
that is not right.
Promise, promise and promise.
You can trust my words.

Valentines and Chinese New Year is coming.
What are your plans guys?
With your loved one? family? or both? :]

3.12am
Time to go to bed.
Be up in 3hrs times.

Few hrs sleep per day.
Sleep late at night, wake up early in the morning.
Out working hard for something.
Till late night i am only home.
I am so so so so tired.
I want to be in your arms bii.
I miss the feeling of you hugging me so much.
The feeling of 100% secure-ness.

A night without hearing your voice.

Those tears. What were the directed at?
Fear. Of what?
I may be strong and tough to everyone's eyes.
But the honest truth, a part of me is afraid.
And when i am afraid there is no one i can turn to.

I realized something.
But 1st let me ask you guys a question.
What is the meaning of TRUE friends?
Someone who is always there for you 24/7?
Someone who always cheer you up when you are down?
Or many more other reasons?

I may have friends for 14yrs.
More or less.
But could you imagine that those you spend
your whole life growing up with for 12yrs ends up
bitching about you behind your back and got
everyone hating you for no reasons just cause you are different?
Well yea, it happened to me and i tell you it sucks.
Because i always have dreams that we were still friends but
when i wake up, i just feel upset.
When i pick up my phone, i want to call them but i say to hell with it.
Who needs them.

But today, i found the meaning of true friends.
Ones that are willing to help.
Ones that are willing to jump into hell with you just to
pull you up.
I wont state the reasons why but anyways i am thankful.
You reached out for me.
Thank you, thank you and thank you.

I am not looking so forward to this Sunday.
Have to go back hometown instead of going out with bii.
Sighs. Bake new year cookies.
Sighs. There is plenty of cousins to help so why me!
Full of shit. And next Sunday which happens to be
14th, idk if i can meet bii.
Sucks.

There is still weeks away from my bday
and everyone is already asking me how am i
going to celebrate my 18th bday.
They are all thinking its gonna be a huge big bash.
Well you are wrong. That day 3rd March.
I am only going to spend it with one person :]
Even if he cant be with me on that day, i still have family.
I dont want any big big parties. I just want time with my loved ones.

Friends can always celebrate earlier or later :]
Presents , presents , presents :p
A simple bday wish is enough :]

So have you guys done your CNY shopping? :]
If you havent better start soon.
Look who is talking -_- i havent done mine yet haha.
Not planning to :]

1.46am and i am still up.
Have to wake up at 8am.
Screwed. haha.
Nights.
Might as well force myself to sleep.

Baby, I am sorry.
I didnt mean to hide things from you.
You are tired from ur work each day.
I am sure you dont need anything else to add with ur tiredness right?
I have my reasons for doing so, understand me.
I am sorry i might have said some shits to you.
I hope you are not mad.
A night without hearing ur voice.
Totally unbearable.
I love you.

I felt you responding.

Its been almost 2years since you have left.
But yet these memories,
will always remains in me that whenever i think
about it i cry.
Because that is how much you mean to me.

Thinking back when i 1st entered the academy.
I didnt have friends because i was a very quiet girl.
I preferred listening to songs while doing my
things rather than talking.

When i 1st saw you i thought to myself
'She seems bothered by something'.
But i didnt talk to you.
And time passed.

After 1week has passed, i reached the academy at 1.30pm
as usual. I am always the late one.
I saw you crying and talking to the teacher.
I accidentally overheard your problem.
He left, and yet you were crying even harder.

I couldnt bear to see you so down.
Infact i cant bear to see anyone cry, so i took my courage
to go up to you and cheer you up.
I sat next to you i said 'hey, whats wrong. I am mabel by the way'
You looked at me trying to hide those tears.
I said 'No worries just cry it out.'
And you just suddenly hugged me, and i hugged you back.
I was with you talking with your problems.
Solved it. And we became friends.

The next day, i went there in the afternoon as usual.
You were there sitting alone taking out all
the pins on the hair by yourself.
I put my things aside and helped you.
You smiled so shyly =] I said you were cute.
You praised me as a girl filled with kindness that no one
else have in this world nowadays to the whole
academy. My reputation changed drastically.
I grew famous in the academy.
But you and i remained great friends.

We laughed about the smallest things.
You eat all the weird stuffs that i didnt dare to eat.
And i laughed about your arms being long and short.
And the turtle tail on your hair.
When we went to Sg Wang 4th floor to have lunch,
i asked what you wanted to eat.
You took out a Tupperware from your pocket and said
'I made my own sandwiches'
I gave a =_= expression and laughed like an ass.
But we shared lunch together.

After few months you stopped coming to classes.
Because you had to work in your father's shop.
Whenever you come you would whine to me
how annoying those customers are.
But we laughed it off somehow.

Few weeks later.
I saw you with your lover walking by.
We smiled at each other.
I wanted to tease you the next day.
But who knew.. the next day you didnt come.
And that very night..
I received several calls.. and they said you got into a car accident.
And you left all of us.

That very moment. I dropped my phone.
Stoned. Crying. Sitting on the floor.
I thought i have went insane.
The whole night i was just sitting there and crying.
It seems so fake but yet its true.
My mum tried to cheer me up to go to bed.
Nothing worked. I just sat and sat.
Nothing was on my mind except hoping that it was just a dream.

The next day i went to the academy.
Everyone looked at me.
Without saying any words they came up to me and hugged me.
A giant group hug and i was in the middle.
Telling me to be strong.
They said 'We believe she misses you and loves you too.
We believe her last words must be telling you not to cry for her
but smile for her and how much you mean to her.
. It must be hard for you last night'
I lost control, i cried infront of everyone.
They too, cried with me.
We all lost one very precious person in our life.

Whenever i hear Jay Chow songs i think of you.
Because you love his songs like mad.
Cai Hong this song. Whenever i hear it, that pain in my heart.
Unbearable. It was the last ringtone on ur phone.
I remembered saying it was annoying.
You punched me. But now when i hear it i laugh and say 'you idiot'.

Moments ago i went to the balcony.
I closed my eyes hoping to reach out to you.
The moment i said your name, the wind blew.
Was it you responding?
Did you hear my voice?
Did you hear me telling you how much i miss you?
With those tear falling from my eyes.
As i keep trying to reach out to you the wind gradually
grew stronger. I really felt you were there.
I really did felt like as tho part of you was responding.
I looked up to the skies. I saw one bright star. I was wondering
if it was you looking straight down at me.

I know you havent left all of us completely.
You are always there for us in our heart.
I know you are.

Rest In peace.
Our memories will never be forgotten.
I miss you, I really do.

We knew that moment was the last time
fate decided to let us see each other.
You were an innocent victim.
And your life was taken away by those fucking
shit ass drivers. They were the one who deserves death not you.
I believe in karma.
From time to time when i am free, i will pray for your wellness.
I will try to reach out to you. Look after me will you?
You idiot. =(