its finally 1 year.

Somewhere on September 2009, i ended my relationship
of 2years with someone whom i thought was everything
at 1st but turns out he is just another jerk.
And after i decided to end it with him , he begged
and begged me to return but it didnt turned out well for him.
I fell out of love long before saying break up.

After breaking up, few days later i met 'K' on facebook.
I liked him for awhile, but turns out
he was just another player who already have a gf.
I thought i was being nice not breaking them
apart but he was pretty bad himself.
Find out he wasnt really my type.

Until 4th September, you, Xiao Ser added me
on facebook. And the 1st thing you asked me was
do i play XDO and will i marry you in XDO.

It was this picture that made u said u
'fell in love at 1st sight' with me.
The next thing we know, we exchanged numbers
and u asked me to be ur gf.
I had a hard time deciding if i should say yes because
i know if i do difficulties will come into our life, and
i wanted to throw my ex completely out of my sight
incase he causes any misunderstanding.
You, xiao ser, promised that no matter how hard things will
be u will take responsibility of everything.

September 11th, u sent me a relationship request on FB
and i accepted it. I fully accepted ur love.
From that day onwards u and i became lovers.
You said u r serious on me, i too decided to become serious.
The 1st time we met, i fell even more than i expected.
Filled with surprises and i found him super adorable.
My heart beat-ed like never before.
Until my ex decided to have revenge and told my mum
bullshits about my boyf, thats when everything started
falling apart.

I didnt know what came crashing on me.
I couldnt online after i moved to my new home.
Stupid TmNet ppl refused to come over to my house.
You hardly texted me anymore.
Until one day i purposely went to KLCC Starbucks
with my laptop just to online so i could on fb.
But who knew i saw things i didnt expect to see.
A girl named 'M', spammed ur fb wall.
They were said to be in a mother-son relationship
but my heart told me it was more than that.
I smiled it off and said 'i believe him' and acted
normally.

When i finally have internet at home, i online
and i saw even more things i didnt wanna see.
Those disgusting pictures. I cried instantly.
When u asked why was i moody, i said nothing and acted happy.
You asked if it was about the pictures she took with u.
I said no, and u said dont misunderstand,
it was wrong angle that made it look like she kissed u
on the cheek. I said yea sure okay, but in my mind i was
saying 'both of you are full of shit'.

Before u met her, everyday u would text me before
u go to bed, but after u guys started
getting close from few smses per day to 1 sms or
even none per day. I asked myself,
Why am i holding to a half broken thread which
can be broken anytime either one of us pulls it?
My heart said 'you are just in love' i cried.

To get rid of those pain and tears i went jogging everyday,
but who knew i ended up hurting myself even more.
And every day from morning till night i hang on
to my phone hoping to hear a word from u but
as expected there was none.
I remembered i off my phone once hoping when i wake
up the next morning there would be a word from u
but who was i kidding? There was none. I cried again.

Pictures speaks a thousand words.
And here were those words.

People thought i was being a poser.
But seriously, i was tired of those unspoken
words, i tried to use pictures to hint u, i guess it didnt work.
But i guess those previous blog entries did.
And u started feeling guilty.

I had friends to translate those statuses
u wrote on ur fb in chinese.
It showed u had difficulties in choosing.
From that moment, i decided to give up and let u
be with her so you two could be happier.
But i just couldnt do it.
When i thought of breaking up, my heart
felt a pain that hurts more than
tearing it apart. my tears fell uncontrollably.
And i thought to myself, have u forgotten those promises
u made with me and its just me being stupid
remembering it?

I dont remember what happened, but somehow
both of u gave up on each other cause u
said u wanted me, and made promises with me.
You became all mine, and things changed again.
Usually for couples, the 1st 3mths are the happiest
but for us, it was the hardest. Even u have thought
of giving up on me. But we held on to it.
You were a playboy but i didnt expect it coming.
You said u r serious, but u were just fucking with me back then.
For ages, these memories still haunts me as i have
been hurt this bad for the 1st time.

Time passed, u left ur fucked up job and
visited my mum on 31th dec 2009.
We became official from that day onwards.
Things changed even more, and we can see each
other more often.

The 1st gift u gave me.

The reason why u came to visit my mum was
because i had to be an air stewardess.
It was my mum's command to me.
25th december, i couldnt spend xmas with u
but instead we spent it with each other thru
the phone. That was our 1st time talking on the phone
after so goddamn long !
I was the one whom made the call, i remembered i was
so nervous and it took my ages before i decided to call.
After that day, we started calling everyday.

When found out i had to leave, u told me to stand up
for myself for once to know what
i want to do in future. I did, and i am thankful for that.
I did not have to be an air stewardess anymore.

10th january, its was ur bday.
I was so afraid i couldnt spend it with it, but who
knew i could and i did. Although i didnt made it any
special but we both did. Something unforgettable.

3rd March, it was my bday. all these years
i just celebrated it with my family and nothing
more. But you made it special for me.
You made plans ahead of me, and we went out with
your mother and brother and met up with your
father for dinner in the evening.
I had an unforgettable day and i thank you deeply for that.

As time goes on, we got closer.
I was so so so afraid of you, but now
i am an idiot with u.
We say things we dont mean at all just to
make each other annoyed and laugh.
You make me laugh whenever i dont want to.
I cant stay mad at you for more than 10mins.
You always have ur ways to make me laugh and
forget why i was angry.

The 1st picture we took together.
See how we just looked like complete strangers?

The 2nd picture, i had terribly panda eyes because
i couldnt sleep the night before i met u.
I guess i was just excited to see u after
so long :)

The i dont know how many pictures of us.
We finally got this close.
Not only have i changed in looks, even
u did. With that super short haircut which
i couldnt stop laughing when i 1st saw it.
It just hit my laughing bone.

Now that you have a car, we are seeing each other
alot of times a day and whats better?
You are the 1st guy whom i went out with till
past 12am ! ahaha, usually when i m out and not
home by 10pm my mum would call and scold.
But i guess she feels she can count on u to look after me.

3rd sept, my 1st clubbing experience.
You were there going thru so much troubles and
my mum seriously counted on u to look after me.
I felt she really trusts you.
You surprised me on that night with a gift.
You are truly amazing.

Still, as hurtful as it may be.
I am THANKFUL 'M' appeared in our life.
I learnt not to trust ppl easily anymore.
Because of her, i transformed myself to be a better
person on the inside and outside.

From this fat thing.

Into this-still-fat-but-wasnt-as-fat-as-before girl.
* incase readers wanna ask stupid question,
NO i did NOT do plastic surgery thank you. *

A young 17yr old kid.

Into an 18yr old mature girl.

I am a two whole different because of you bii.
And even you went thru so much and changed
so much for me. Baby i am proud of you.
I changed because i wanted to be prettier than her
so you wouldnt leave me. In millions of other
eyes, i am better than her now. But now i dont care
who is prettier anymore because i have u all to myself.

I remembered you said you wanted me to get a
tattoo. Bii , i finally went and got it.
I wanted it long before you said you want me
to get one. I wasnt brave enough. But because
of you, i took up a new challenge and face my
biggest fear : PAIN.

I did not see any future in myself but u made me
found my path. Which is why i am going back
to college even though i effing hate assignments.

Everyone did not have faith in our relationship,
but look where we are now bii.
Everyone said we wouldnt last 1mth and there
is no possibility to getting marry with u.
Now those whom said that is saying this to me
'You are so close to marrying him'.

I have always been counting months.
But baby, today is different.
Its our 1st anniversary.
Its finally one year.
Happy 1st anniversary baby.
I broke ur record ;)

Not only have you became my boyf.
You are my best friend too.
Someone whom i care share everything
and be myself with u.
I feel i can take on anything new challenges because
i know you are behind to catch me whenever
i am about to fall.

Baby.
I LOVE YOU.
And it'll never change.
you can trust me on that.