Emo-ness :|

This picture have everyone asking if i was naked here.
No i am not! haha!
I will never be nude in any pictures of mine.

Okay heres the thing.
I have been in an EMO-NESS mood today!
OMFG!
Thats so not me.
And yes i am still in my effing emo mood.
To jia lin who know my REAL reasons why i am this way.
Well lets keep it that way.
No point in saying anything about it.
And i wont ask anything about it.
I am used to it.
To those who dosent you dont have to know :D

I should learn to stop being so effing naive.
Stop trusting people already.
I wont trust anyone anymore.
Not even myself.
Getting my hopes high up will only end up in me
being miserable.

Every time when i think everything is alright,
It becomes worst the next day and all
my hopes just crash and crumble down to pieces of crap.
Only to find out all my efforts and time have been
wasted.

And i have learnt something.
I will never check on anyone again =]
Even if they told me to.
Because checking on someone or something will only lead
you to seeing things you don't want to see.
And sometimes some things are really better left unknown.
If they wanna tell they will eventually tell,
If they dont tell you at all and is hiding it from you,
it means they are up to no good =]
So dont ask me to check on you anymore, I WONT.
Any dont ask me to help you guys check on anyone.
i WONT.

I feel completely USELESS one way or another.
Although i am able to help friends or family with something
i still feel USELESS.

I've been stressed out the whole day.
My mind kept wandering to thoughts that i hated.
I couldn't get it out of my head.
To erase it from my head i went jogging in the afternoon
as soon as i reached home.
Thank god it didnt rain today.

With loud music in my ears.
And two of my cousins following from behind.
For awhile i was able to just hear the music
and not those thoughts that made me upset.
But it only lasted for awhile.

I sent my cousins ahead of me telling them
i will catch up with them later.
They left. I broke down.
On my knees, with tears falling down from my eyes.
My head was hurting.
That feeling, i hated it.
And i hate MYSELF for being so WEAK!
I was disgusted with myself for being so weak.
I slapped myself hard on my face.
Telling myself to WAKE UP.
Wiped away those tears, got up on feet.
Went home.
Took a one hour shower, i was literally just stoned.

Love.
What is the REAL meaning of 'love'?
Can anyone tell me?
Anyone can just say the word 'love' anytime they want.
But can you even tell if its from the heart or just
to make you happy?

Carrying on with my life,
pretending that nothing is wrong.
I smile when i wanna cry.
Forcing these smiles, is more painful the being stab
by hundreds of knife to any part of your body.

I never needed love.
But that keep coming to me.
And i keep falling for them.
I'm so sick of love songs, so tired of tears.

I wanna know what love is.
I wanna know what it feels like.
Can you prove it to me once more?